I think one of the greatest tragedies of personal growth is that we’ve been taught to love ourselves conditionally.
We don’t say it that way, of course.
We say things like:
“I just need to heal that part.”
“I need to fix this.”
“I need to stop being so emotional.”
“I need to get rid of my anger.”
But underneath all of it is the same message:
These parts of me are not acceptable.
And so begins the war.
A war most people are fighting every single day without realizing it.
A war against their own humanity.
Most of us have become very skilled at accepting our light.
We love our generosity.
Our kindness.
Our compassion.
Our wisdom.
Our spirituality.
Our good intentions.
Those parts are easy.
Those parts are socially acceptable.
Those parts earn approval.
But what about the parts that don’t?
The jealous part.
The petty part.
The insecure part.
The angry part.
The part that wants recognition.
The part that feels rejected.
The part that gets triggered.
The part that sometimes wants to scream into a pillow.
Those are the parts we exile.
The parts we hide.
The parts we quietly hope no one ever sees.
Including ourselves.
And here’s where it gets interesting.
The more we reject those parts, the more power they gain.
Not because they’re bad.
Because they’re ignored.
Anything left in the dark eventually starts knocking louder.
This is why people are often shocked by their own behavior.
They’ll say:
“I don’t know what came over me.”
“That’s not who I am.”
“I can’t believe I said that.”
“I completely lost it.”
But what if it didn’t come out of nowhere?
What if it came from a part of you that has been locked in the basement for twenty years, desperately trying to get your attention?
The goal was never to become a person without darkness.
The goal was never to become perfectly healed.
The goal was never to remove every uncomfortable emotion from your experience.
The goal is wholeness.
And wholeness requires everything.
Not just the beautiful parts.
Not just the enlightened parts.
All of it.
You cannot take yourself to a buffet and only select the pieces you approve of.
You don’t get to keep the confidence and throw away the fear.
Keep the compassion and throw away the anger.
Keep the love and throw away the grief.
Human beings don’t work like that.
We are whole ecosystems.
And every part serves a purpose.
Your anger might be protecting a boundary.
Your jealousy might be revealing a desire you’ve abandoned.
Your fear might be trying to keep you safe.
Your insecurity might simply be asking for compassion.
But you’ll never discover that if your first response is rejection.
One of the most profound moments in any healing journey is when you stop asking:
“How do I get rid of this?”
And start asking:
“What is this trying to tell me?”
That question changes everything.
Because now you’re no longer fighting yourself.
You’re listening.
And the relief that comes from that is difficult to put into words.
Imagine no longer spending your life trying to outrun parts of yourself.
Imagine no longer carrying shame every time you feel something uncomfortable.
Imagine being able to look at your own humanity and say:
“Of course you’re here.”
“Of course you feel this.”
“You belong too.”
That isn’t weakness.
That isn’t self-indulgence.
That is self-acceptance.
And self-acceptance is where real healing begins.
Not when you finally become someone different.
But when you stop abandoning yourself every time an imperfect part appears.
Because the truth is:
The parts of yourself you’re most afraid to meet are often the parts most desperately waiting to be loved.
💜 Abi