I just got off the phone with one of my clients, and frankly, she blew me away.
She is dealing with a devastating event that took place inside her community (which I won’t share more about due to its sensitive nature)
I was blown away… by how she handled it.
Just a few weeks ago, she would’ve been completely derailed. It was something she had very specifically named as her greatest fear.
So she would’ve spiraled into guilt.
She would’ve moved into punishing herself for what happened.
Think crawled into the fetal position, bawling.
She may have even - very realistically - shut her entire business down in order to prevent it from happening again.
But since she shared this fear, we have done some major identity realignment.
We’ve drawn hard boundaries around where her responsibilities end, and where her community makes their own choices, outside of her control.
We’ve dissolved her own self-judgement stemming from not being able to manage whether people in her community act kindly or cruelly (before they are removed for unacceptable behavior).
We’ve been able to get very clear on tightening up her safety protocols to protect and support her community so it still feels like a safe place to play.
And she was able to come to a place of peace & acceptance that tens of thousands of people in a community are going to be full of people peopling, and doing her best to keep them all safe is enough because that’s what she’s got. Not an ounce more.
All previous behaviors led by this unspoken fear were quietly slowing down her progress, and redirecting her attention to things that “felt” more important but didn’t actually move the needle.
Perfecting systems that were already good.
Starting a new fundraising round.
Relationship tripwires.
When we dissolved them her action and traction ramped up.
And then, her big test.
Her greatest fear manifesting itself.
AND MAN, did she pass with flying colors.
She let herself feel the emotions she had around it. She reached out for support to people she trusted.
And she carried on… she regulated, came back to herself, and finished what she had planned for that day.
She didn’t even ask for validation or support when we spoke -
She already had a clear plan of action, and a few more things she was going to add to the security of her platform. She just wanted to share something very jarring that is relevant to our work.
This is what life can look like when unexpected bullet train events knock you sideways.
It doesn’t have to mean a total collapse. It doesn’t have to mean an identity or doubt spiral.
It can simply be acknowledging you’re still a human and things will affect you emotionally, holding yourself through that, asking for support if you need it, and - when you’re ready - getting back to it.
This is what can happen when you stretch your capacity for things not going the way you expect, the discomfort and aggravation of the unexpected showing up or even when your worst fears happen and you need to still keep living.
💜 Abi